How to kill the holiday spirit
Axial tilt is the reason for the season.
You know how to kill my holiday spirit? Start putting up Christmas decor and play Christmas music the day after Halloween.
October is for Halloween.
November is for Thanksgiving.
December is for Christmas.
Quit skipping Thanksgiving, retailers. I don’t want to look at anything red and green until at least Black Friday. December 1st would be preferable. By then it’s cold and crisp and the mood is set. Anything before then just makes me want to scream “I’M STILL IN SHORT SLEEVES YOU FUCKS.”
My idea of what is and is not the holiday season is not dependent on the calendar, but rather the temperature and photoperiod. I’m not ready for the Renaissance festival until I feel that particular tang in the air that makes me long for fried anything on a stick. I’m not ready for Christmas until the weather can be best described as “fucking cold.”
I don’t know why Christmas gets pushed so quickly. To lengthen the amount of time we have to get ourselves into gift-giving debt? To start slowly acclimating ourselves to the traditional in-your-face advertising of the holiday season? To be the first in town to get the lights up? To attract those crazy people who want the Christmas season to last as long as possible, irrespective of the quality of their Christmas season?
I know I’m not buying it. The only thing that stepping into a mall in November gets me is pissed off. I cover my ears and pretend I’m not being forced to listen to the same tired old jingle redone by fifty or sixty different people. And the companies blaring Christmas music for two straight months never seem to realize that it makes retail employees hate Christmas. As if retail employees didn’t hate Christmas already.
I can’t really offer any helpful solutions to holiday burnout, except to stay out of stores that prematurely celebrate the holidays and avoid malls at all costs. In fact, avoid shopping during the holidays at all costs, period. Celebrate the holiday you wish, at the time you wish, in the way you wish. And be especially nice to the poor people stuck working retail in December. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun.
The only question is when will the “Keep Christ in Christmas!” wars will start up again.