A stupid green device

‘Tis curious that we only believe as deeply as we live.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yes, I do some really stupid tiny shit for the sake of the environment. So I can’t really point the finger too hard when other people do stupid tiny shit.

But I fail to see the eco-friendliness of investing in a new gadget when you have one that already does the job just fine. If you already own a charger, it is not eco-friendly to buy a new one. It’s not. Period. Fuck trying to avoid being “greener than thou,” buying a new charger when you already own one is not fucking eco-friendly. I don’t care if it automatically shuts off some “energy vampire.” Shouldn’t the thing qualify as an “energy vampire” itself if it’s able to do something like that?

You know what I do? This is really epic, so you might want to have a firm grip on your seat.

I plug in the charger, stick the phone on there.

And then, and this is the good part…

I check the phone every so often and when it’s finished charging………………….I unplug it.

Scary, huh? I mean, really, I must be fucking insane.

Why the hell are we wasting our lives worrying about a phone charger being plugged in for a fucking nano-second longer than it should be? I highly fucking doubt the energy “saved” by this stupid, stupid, STUPID device even comes close to making up for the energy, resources, and pollution used and generated by the purchase of this, dare I say it again, stupid device. Fucking ridiculous. Not to mention the energy and time you fucking waste paying for the damn thing.

You cannot fucking buy yourself green, people. Add that to the list, along with stairways to heaven, mental stability, and spiritual enlightenment. Yes, money can facilitate a greener lifestyle. But chances are, the latest fucking green thing is a fraud. Everything you buy, be it green or not, has a side that’s not so nice. Organic food requires the cultivation of more land, new “energy saving” devices require resources and energy to be produced, CFLs contain mercury, green cars are still fucking cars. It’s all a fucking trade-off, and the benefits don’t always outweigh the negatives. Your purchase of these “green” products only facilitates the creation of more stupid green bullshit and the idea that “going green” can be bought and sold like any other stupid fucking trend.

Fox’s fucking pet peeve of the day millennium, thank you very much. In the morning. There’s some really hilarious irony in this post now that I’m looking back on it.


3 Responses to “A stupid green device”

  1. Yes. Absolutely. I’m exactly the same way. If you already have something that works well, don’t replace it before it’s ready.

  2. Mistake number 1: expecting anything ThinkGeek sells to be anything but consumerist crap.

    • I’d actually seen it on green sites as the go-to device to end “energy vampires.” ThinkGeek just so happened to be one of the sites that popped up when I googled it for this post. But yes, ThinkGeek does specialize in useless consumerist garbage.

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