Childfree is the way for me

When my husband comes home, if the kids are still alive, I figure I’ve done my job.
~Roseanne Barr

There was a post recently on An Urban Animist about being childfree. So I figured why not discuss it myself.

I’m childfree because I hate children.

It sounds immature, but it’s true. They’re smelly, noisy, usually ill-behaved, and require me to censor myself in their presence, lest I attract the ire of their parents who don’t realize that their children are already quite aware of the existence of words such as “shit” and “cocksucker.”

I take that back, actually. I don’t hate children.

I hate parents.

But seriously, here. I don’t like being around children. My sister handed me my niece and I handed her back. I’ll deal with her when she’s housebroken and can carry on an intelligent conversation. Even then it will only be for short periods of time. Children require too much energy to keep up with…mentally, anyway. Physically I run children into the ground. Apparently my cousins weren’t up to a three mile walk, after all.

I’m not emotionally or mentally capable of dealing with a child on a long-term basis. Don’t tell me “Oh, it’s different when they’re yours.” You’re talking about someone who once had severe anger management issues. I used to break things. When I was younger it took everything I had not to beat the shit out of my pets when I got frustrated with them. Trust me when I tell you I am not parent material. The only difference between me and the parents I hate so much is the fact that I know better than to even attempt to raise a child.

I would get myself sterilized, except that it costs money and apparently at twenty-six I’m still not enough of an adult to make that decision or something. Thankfully, I find having sex about as interesting as watching paint dry. Makes things easy.

I’ll stick with my cats, thanks. They’re cheaper, better mannered, and I won’t get CPS at my door if I beat them. They come with all the perks children supposedly have: they’re cute, do funny things, and won’t let me take a piss in peace. Children are merely pets with privileges. Except I can leave my cats home alone with bowl of food and water for the weekend. With the exception of a few no-pets apartment complexes and extended vacations, they don’t stop me from doing anything. Children…well, a trip to Japan or a sudden weekend trip to wherever would be a damned headache if I had children. And once you get one, you’re stuck for life. Fuck that.

Yes, not having children is environmentally friendly, but in my opinion, that’s not really a good reason to decide against it. If you want children, go for it. But for me, it’s not worth it. Fucking up someone else’s life from the get-go isn’t worth assuring other people of my normality. Nor is fucking up my life. I can fulfill whatever errant bit of mothering instinct I have with my cats, thank you very much.


6 Responses to “Childfree is the way for me”

  1. Dargon Says:

    I have concluded that if they are old enough to hold a conversation, other people’s children are fun. You can teach them things and corrupt them and stuff.

    Aside from that, same page.

  2. I’m too polite (read as cowardly) to say this out aloud.

    Kids are great when you can chat with them, because then they are people and you can decide if you like them as an individual or not. Babies on the other hand … I have no time for. They scream and shit.

  3. I used to be more like this, at least insofar as the being adverse to children themselves was. However, having been through the counseling courses I’ve done has reminded me that children *are* human beings, and that they are in a lot of ways underprivileged, disempowered human beings. I still don’t like being around tantruming toddlers, but having a good understanding of developmental psychology makes it easier to understand where that kid is coming from.

    (No, I still don’t want any of my own, kthx.)

    Also, regarding sterilization, have you talked to Planned Parenthood?

  4. WhiteFox Says:

    “Don’t tell me “Oh, it’s different when they’re yours.”

    Oh I hate this line SO much, mainly because that’s what I’m constantly told too. It’s the worst piece of reasoning I’ve ever heard about parenting.

    Another life is not worth the risk of seeing if it really is that different…and to be honest, the only difference I see is that you’re then able to discipline them the way you want and/or you become even more nuts.

  5. Babies are annoying and gross. Kids just need appropriate amounts of structure and discipline, and for people to treat them like the human beings they are. Amazing what some well-placed respect and consideration can do.

    Or you can find a good set of fairy godparents.

  6. The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement
    “May we live long and die out”

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