How to be a minimalist blogger

In times like these it is difficult not to write satire.
~Juvenal

1. Be obsessed with the color white. Make sure your blog or website is almost completely white.
2. Be affluent enough to post regularly about your organic/locavore/meatfree/raw/currentfad diet.
3. Never eat anything not prepared by yourself, or at least don’t admit to it.
4. Don’t swear, smoke, or drink alcohol. If you do drink alcohol, don’t drink anything other than wine and only drink one glass a night. For your health.
5. Give Steve Jobs a blowjob.
6.
7. Give Google a blowjob.
8. Don’t own a car or a TV.
9. Own less than a hundred things, but somehow still be able to accomplish 3 and 5.
10. Telecommute or work for yourself on the internet.
11. Adore tiny homes but neglect to consider apartment living.
12. Obsess over not daydreaming or thinking about anything other than what you’re doing right at that moment.
13. Produce an ebook, and make it a little image of it looking like a physical book.
14. Charge $30-40 for said ebook, even though it’s completely digital and therefore has almost no overhead.
15. Eat very little meat, unless you can go vegetarian.
16. Go vegetarian unless you can go vegan.
17. Go vegan unless you can go raw.
18. Insert Breatharian joke.
19. Be spiritual, not religious.
20. Focus on happiness, productivity, travel, or other such topics. Be positive!
21. Have a college degree.
22. Avoid plastic in any forms, but especially avoid the kind you put food in.
23. Obsess over supposedly eco-friendly and high minimalist consumer goods, but at the same time insist that consumerism is unhealthy.
24. Go on frequent techno-fasts.

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4 Responses to “How to be a minimalist blogger”

  1. maloyo Says:

    Meant to say cooking, not eating, in the previous comment. Geez, been a long day…..

  2. This has had me in stitches.

  3. makes me want to drink alchoholic beverages

  4. Sally Says:

    Sharp wit, sharp mind. Very nice summation.

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