Fox’s “10 Wow-’em green gifts under $25”
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’
~Dave Barry, “Christmas Shopping: A Survivor’s Guide”
“My family is doing a grab bag for our holiday party this year, and I need to buy something under $25. Any ideas for something sustainable but cool? They’re always ragging on me for being a tree hugger.
You know what I did this year for this exact type of event? I’d collected a number of Bath and Body Works coupons they’d sent to me (and everyone else in my apartment complex) for a free travel-size body wash or lotion. Over the course of the promotion, I picked up six of the little bastards for free. Got a small gift bag, and voila! Almost-free gift for the gift swap. And why is she calling her family’s Christmas celebration a “party?” My family does not do Christmas parties. They’re…uh. Get-togethers. You know, where the adults get drunk and make a scene and everyone laughs at them for it and no one goes to church because Grandma died and no one else cares. But I digress.
Well, Jennifer Grayson decides to help Sasha by attempting to find her some “green” gifts that are supposed to also be “cool.” For under $25. Well, she failed on two accounts, in my not-so-humble opinion. Let’s help Sasha and Jennifer out, shall we?
Jennifer suggests: Mark Bittman’s “The Food Matters Cookbook.”
Fox suggests: A used copy of Michael Pollan’s “In Defense of Food.”
Trendy people suggest: Steig Larsson’s “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.”
Jennifer suggests: Greenaid Seedbomb set.
Fox suggests: One of those rosemary plants made up to look like a Christmas tree.
Trendy people suggest: NOT EITHER OF THESE.
Jennifer suggests: Nicobell Vegan Organic
Fox suggests: Making your own, preferably with amaretto.
Trendy people suggest: Either, as long as there’s plenty to go around.
Jennifer suggests: Organic Microbrew Collection.
Fox suggests: Finding someone who sells beer made locally and buying a six pack from them.
Trendy people suggest: Twenty-five dollar Starbucks giftcard.
Jennifer suggests: ‘God Hates Bags’ bag.
Fox suggests: A tote bag procured from Goodwill and decorated by a five-year-old female relative.
Trendy people suggest: Gucci.
Twenty-five dollar limit, guys…
Jennifer suggests: Terracycle Starburst speakers.
Fox suggests: CD’s from Goodwill.
Trendy people suggest: Twenty-five dollar iTunes giftcard.
Fox alternatively suggests: Twenty-five dollar Amazon mp3 store giftcard. Fuck iTunes.
Jennifer suggests: National Geographic Subscription.
Fox suggests: Old NatGeo issues from…where? GOODWILL! :D
Trendy people suggest: A subscription to Playboy for the look on their face when they open the box.
Jennifer suggests: PeopleTowels gift set.
Fox suggests: Sneaking into their house, stealing some towels that have been long since forgotten, and packaging them up with a note that says “USE US, MOTHERFUCKER.”
Trendy people suggest: A snuggie.
Jennifer suggests: BeadforLife Katogo Bangles.
Fox suggests: MOAR GOODWILL.
Trendy people suggest: Anything from Charming Charlie.
Jennifer suggests: Green Sheep Shop gift certificate.
Fox suggests: Buying yarn from someone on Etsy.
Trendy people suggest: Skipping the yarn and buying the crocheted hat on Etsy.
Or, you can do as Jennifer does, and pledge to your giftee that you will go on a “technology break” for a single hour every day. Which just goes to show that she’s our typical techno-obsessed white-collar greenie…I’m offline for eight hours a day…it’s called “work.” And then another eight hours a day that’s called “I’m fucking asleep and if you wake me up I will murder you.” And just so you know, Jennifer, that present ain’t gonna cut the mustard once your daughter grows old enough to realize that Christmas=people buying me shit. And that will happen…usually about the time they enter public schooling.
This entry was posted on 12/11/2010 at 10:26 am and is filed under green living with tags buying, consumerism, green issues, greenwashing, the green movement. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.