My water bottle is lying to me

Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
~Edgar A. Shoaff

My mother, for whatever reason, got me a water bottle for Christmas. It’s a nice one, aluminum with a durable plastic cap and a wide mouth. It’s also pink, which I find rather odd, but whatever. So my poor lineage of Sweet Leaf tea bottles has finally ended. I’m now down an excuse to buy tea. I’ll have to come up with another one, I suppose. Anyway.

The bottle says “ECO friendly.” The tag that came on the bottle said I was saving so many pounds of plastic from going into a landfill.

Uhh…no, actually. I use my water bottle at work, where, in order to get the water my bosses provide, you have to bring your own container. That’s green on my boss’ part, not the water bottle’s part. My water bottle lives at work unless I intend on taking my bicycle, in which case it goes home for a night or two.

I know all of one person who uses a water bottle for anything other than sports. She does the No Impact Man thing, though, and takes her water bottle into restaurants with her. That’s actually green. But again, that’s her being green, not the water bottle. It would be green even if she had a paper cup she swiped from somewhere and used over and over again until it fell apart. Or a Sweet Leaf tea bottle.

I would have said “Yes, this water bottle is eco-friendly” had it been made of recycled materials or was made in a plant that, I don’t know, ran off solar power or baby seal farts or something. But it’s just a bottle, like all the others. Facilitating a (possibly) green action does not make a green product. Does this mean my microwave is green because I unplug it when it’s not in use and it facilitates me reheating food which facilitates my cooking at home? Fuck yes, green microwave, go! I should write “ECO friendly” on it. Maybe I should write “ECO friendly” on my dishes, too, since they facilitate my not creating more trash by using disposable plates. And my desk, which…wait. I got that off Craigslist. It’s actually eco-friendly.

You can play along too, kids! What do you have that’s “ECO friendly?”

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2 Responses to “My water bottle is lying to me”

  1. And actually, the process to make aluminum is rather energy-intensive. Go Go Gadget Marketing!

  2. Everything I own that I intend to take care of and use until it falls apart is eco-friendly! Go me!

    For a lot of things, I buy new instead of used, because the new is more efficient than the used. Granted, for most people this applies to major appliances while for me it applies to camping gear, but still.

    Next time you stop by Austin, let me know a day or so in advance, and I’ll treat you to an eco-friendly drink or seven.

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