I fucking hate Buc-ee’s

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
~Stephen Butler Leacock

If you’ve never been subject to the horror that is a Buc-ee’s gas station, count yourself lucky. In Texas, at least, Buc-eey’s has taken the world of gas stations by storm. You can always tell when you’re near one, because they put up big black billboards with supposed-to-be-cute sayings on them. There’ll be one every twenty-five miles for two hundred miles on every major highway it’s on. I am not joking. By the time you reach the damn thing, you want to vomit.

The gas stations themselves look like the Wal-Mart of the fueling world. Whereas most gas stations are compact little things, Buc-ee’s sprawls. Imagine one of the big stations, the kind with twelve or fourteen pumps. Now put a small strip center behind it, only the strip center is occupied solely by a big building bearing the face of something that could possibly be a squirrel or some other random sciurid rodent. “It’s a beaver!” the billboards proclaim. I’ll take their word for it, I guess.

Unfortunately, Buc-ee’s has taken the world, or at least Texas, by storm. I see people wearing Buc-ee’s shirts, driving cars with Buc-ee’s stickers on them, gabbing about “beaver nuts” and insisting that Buc-ee’s bathrooms are superior to any place else’s. I do like a clean bathroom, but I suppose I’m an odd one out, especially for a female…most bathrooms are plenty clean for my use. Hell, I’ve pissed on the ground before. Numerous times, in fact. Sober.

It’s a cult, frankly. Buc-ee’s has done such a good job of branding themselves that people go apeshit over them. I’m still firmly in the category of “If I’m going to wear your logo on my breasts, I expect to be paid for it.” They’re always crowded. I’ve stepped in one only once…to get directions which were given rather brusquely. All I saw was a big gas station. No better or worse than the ones I do patronize.

Why am I going on like this? Because this is a picture-perfect example of marketing and branding winning out over sanity. People have allowed themselves to be wooed by a fucking gas station. A gas station with a cult following. Before I’d heard of the place I would have found the idea laughable. No one would develop an obsession over a damn gas station, I’d say. But I underestimated people. Badly. Just goes to prove that all you have to do is provide the correct stimuli and you can play us like a fucking harp.

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4 Responses to “I fucking hate Buc-ee’s”

  1. Those came from my hometown. I grew up easy walking distance from the first one.

    I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it would spread with me :(

  2. jmart Says:

    I hate Bucees too I just don’t get what the big deal is!!!!

  3. David Says:

    @midga I grew up close to the one in Brazoria! The biggest one I’ve been to since I moved away from Texas is the Madisonville store. Personally, I think Buc-Eee’s blows any Midwest convenience store out of the water… then again I’ve met Don and Beaver my mom is their web designer.

  4. New To Texas Says:

    When you live in the middle of nowhere, and there aren’t any interesting attractions, such as an amusement park, or places of cultures… A fucking gas station that has ripped off the “Made to Order” menu from another convenient called “Sheetz” based out of Pennsylvania, (while has had the customized ordering menu around, longer) with fake ass and dumb ass management just as bad as Wal*Mart’s, it’s the place to be! =D They aren’t interested in you, but only your money by ripping off other convenient stores’ gimmicks and ideas, and throwing it into one place with a cheesy looking beaver as their mascot.

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